What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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