I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
