I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
