There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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