just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
