Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
