i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
