chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
