I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
