If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
