PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
