so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
