college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
