Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
