i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
