I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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