guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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