My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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