2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
