I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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