A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
