Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
