I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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