so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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