I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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