So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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