and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
