I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
did i just pee glitter
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
