Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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