I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize