you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
