There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize