My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've blown a few things in my day
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
