Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
