Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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