i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
