He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Quick, to the slutcave!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
