Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
