the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
