I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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