Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
