I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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