Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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