I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
