I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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