we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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