Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
