you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
