omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
