well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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