It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
