my vag is so smooth its legendary
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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