i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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