booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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