This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
