..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
