Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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