i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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