I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
