You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
