eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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