i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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