No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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