Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
