i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
