I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
