its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
