who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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