Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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